Gurney Drive Singapore = Fantastic NOT

Dear Readers,

Finally, I got a comment on my blog after so long, and I must say that it was a long time waiting, or should I say "I wait for comments long long" in my "IT" English.

Anyhow, enough of the fame and limelight, however I noticed something as I was going through my previous blog entries, it seems that my blog is unique in a way that I going around eating and slamming all those overrated food like no other, maybe my life is too precious and hence I am on a life mission to try to piss off as much people as I can in the shortest time possible.

So should I really give a damn about it? I CARE NOT !

For like the LTA which give me a rude but expected shock the other day when I was driving to town via the CTE expressway coming down from North, and one of the two ERP gantries read $4.

Firstly, I cannot never understand and this has puzzled for many years now, (FYI, I am very YOUNG, okay) why there are 2 gantries within the span of 500 meters apart from each other or was it because someone made a mistake on the first location and decided that it might as well have 2 gantries since the mistakes were already made.

Secondly, why there are 2 different prices, is this used to confuse people and hope that all drivers can't do maths and given that the impression that it is cheaper than it is ?

Thirdly, especially on CTE expressway when you are heading from town up to North in the evening, why is the gantry still switch on from 5:30pm to 10:30pm, is the Government telling us not to go home but to go out to get drunk or find a mistress in other locations & live happily ever after, as long as you don't live in the North.

Finally, isn't our road taxes supposedly to do south when we have more ERP gantries in operations however my road taxes didn't seems to have decrease by the same amount or significantly enough for me to notice at all.

This is my moment, Bitches !

That's the moment when I have had an "Eureka Moment" and recalled that the Government and not LTA has collected more than $400 million in Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) as mentioned above charges from drivers over the last three years.

I MEAN the Certificate Of Entitlement (COE) must already have been an ingenious idea which the Government stated that it was used to control the amount of cars on the road, but it is literally like switching on your printer as and when one required to exchange paper for actual $$$, which I am sure that team of assholes scholar(s) that came out with the idea, must have been given recognition, promotions to M level and gods who knows what else.

But with the ERP system, it was like owning a cash cow or golden goose that will never refuse to produce good $$$, given that public buses can failed, MRT will definitely failed as you must have realized again in the past few days, taxi companies can increase their fares as and when their top management deem appropriate.

But the ERP systems will never failed, never... ever..., so the big question now is where does the $$$ goes to and why does it not failed due to wear and tear like the MRT? If anyone has the direct dial to Mr. Minister of Transportation, please kindly message me his name and number, since the current one "MAY" be hang for his nonperformance. 

Anyhow, the ERP system is a very similar experience to one that I have had at Gurney Drive situated at Ang Mo Koi Jubilee Entertainment Complex, and PLEASE don't mistaken me for someone who is overcritical and overbearing, but I have been to this restaurant not once but two tries just to confirm and double confirm like Hossan Leong would said, since the name of this restaurant is obviously taken off from the famous street in Penang, Malaysia.

Too many people often abused the name shamelessly

Look at the photo to your right, doesn't this look like a World Class Prawn Noodle. As if, the prawns are talking to you, the meats are waving at you and the soups are dancing for you ?

So on my first visit, I did order this Signature Dish and boy was I disappointed but its seems to use disappoint seems to a tab of an understatement, as you see the soup was not prawn-ly enough and no richness to it at all, next the prawns were definitely not fresh enough as the shell ACTUALLY stick onto the fresh like a stubborn "POST IT"and the meat was like a piece of something with no freshness nor taste to it, and tasted like something or nothing.

Therefore, since this is Gurney Drive and I do sincerely wanted my first visit to be MY FAULT, thus we decided to return for a second try, how did it go ?

It was Fantastic, simply Fantastic... [continue below]



For it was Fantastically WRONG... or more than WRONG, it was bad and of the worst kind, and the fault can't be on my side as we did ordered something different this time round.

For anyone who has been to Penang, you will know that beside, prawn noddles, Penang and especially Gurney Drive is also infamously known for their Cha Keow Teow.

The plate is so "clean" that it even has water droplet on it

It is a familiar look, and do somewhat look like the real deal but as you have guessed it, it is a plate of something that taste like nothing.

I mean, the cook probably just throw in some noodles, some dark sauces, some fish cakes, some vegetables and some more things to make it look like this but it can't be more disintegrated than most companies are, everything was as individual as one can be even without having to try.

Mommy look, my prawn at the far end has a black head like no other

Look, Taste and Pray!

"LOOK" at how the prawn has a black colored head, "TASTE" out of the world just in the wrong way, and "PRAY" that I will never have to eat at this place again.

I mean, the only thing that looks good in the above must be the chilli sauce and you are CORRECT.

By the way, this is not curry chicken noodle but Laksa 'Penang Style', just that it look so different from the menu and the real deal thus I did need to double confirm with the servers, just to be sure.

FYI, nothing tasted right, I meant the watery part was just added with some coloring, throw in some coconut milk, some oil, and BANG!!! you have make water look like soup.

As mentioned in my first visit, the prawns were not alive or fresh and surprise surprise, it is still not fresh or alive on my second visit. However, I also managed to find the long awaited "Q"uestion to why the chicken cross the road ? Answer, it didn't cross the road because it died laughing at cooks who can't cook but still manage to open a restaurant of any sort, and yes, the chicken at Gurney tasted like something and nothing like before, very similar to the one that I had on the first visit except that, I think I have PORK and this is CHICKEN. Go Figure !!!

I am going to do something that I have not done before, which is to critic the servers as well, you see we have also order appetizers right from the start, and it came only after we have finish our main course, read a 100 page novel, went for a movie, came back from fishing and it was still not THERE !!!

Okay, I must admit that we didn't manage to do all the above, but we did waited for a good 20 to 30 minutes AFTER we finished our main dishes before it came, but the main point is that we did a check with the servers if it is coming and they always promised that it is coming in a few minutes, but ALWAYS failed to deliver and finally, when we asked to cancel the dish, they REFUSE and insisted that it is coming...

So I decided to change into my red underwear and become "SUPERMAN" however I must admit, CATWOMAN did also cross my mind too.

The objective is simple, it was so that I have the power to tear his/her head off and send the cook to a cooking class, but in the nick of time, the dish came and did I enjoy it ?

Make a Guess !

  

Verdict Out of Five (5*):

1. Quality of Food: -1 (Your eyes are not playing tricks, it is my first negative score)
2. Ambiances: 2 (Looks promising from the outside and that is about all)
3. Audiences: 3 (Local who looks for good Penang food but will be blown away)
4. Price: 1 (They should pay me for eating their something at all)
5. Services: 1 (What services? I didn't get any)
6. Hygiene: 1 (My plate was wet and I am sure that is not the only thing that is wet)

So my overall conclusion is 0*, and by now I am lost for words, but one thing is for sure, I will not return unless they start having bikini gals dancing with pole while I dine in pain.

Ah Kow Mushroom Minced Pork Mee = Shoot "ME" now

This past weekend has been one of my most fruitful weekend for a long time coming.

"Read this post to the tune of LMFAO - Sexy & I Know It". 

As you see let's see I did not managed to run or cycle or swim or any form of exercise at all, but I am HAPPY, for what I did, must have been equally or if not more tiring, which was to eat, drink, eat some more and eat myself silly in front of my black box.

For it was like a eating x2 maybe x3 marathons which at the end of it I felt so bloated and lazy that I "almost" gave up leaving the house ever again, as I suspect that "HE" or someone up above, didn't want me to do anything that will make me slimmer or remotely made more handsome than I already am, to compete for the sexy man alive. Or else they may have to change the definition of FAT, SHORT & HAMsome in all the dictionaries therefore "HE" was left with no options but to piss rain for most part of the weekend.

Beside, there is my lovely missy who last night gave me a lecture that I drink way too much, but she still love me, if not love me more than before, however from today onwards, I am not allowed to drink anything more than a jug of anything anymore, so I reckon I probably have to drink it by the mugs instead from here onwards, since she didn't really put a restriction on the number of 'n' mugs I can consume : P, see how powerful English languages can be. 

"THANK YOU GOD, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME TOO."

OKAY, YOU stop the music NOW.

On a separate note, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all my readers for their useless honest comments, who commented that my blog is too long-winded and having poor grammars, as you see it was my very cruel intention all along, for I am an aspiring Young old writer that one day hope to publish my own book that would not only shock the world but created a new evolution to the way, the world look or knows grammars as it is, and hopefully regards it as the new world standard aka "IT" Grammars.

My argument is that if one American writer by the name of Dr. Scott D. Mendelson, M.D., PhD can come to Singapore for a week or two, and go back to write a book titled "The Great Singapore Penis Panic" (See book cover below) and be voted to have one of the oddest book title for Year 2012, therefore it should be easier for a homegrown, born and breed boy man with no PhD, to probably write something that will definitely change Singapore or even the World.

Tentatively, I am titling the book "THE GREAT PENIS VS. THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALES" but we will see if I do get any sponsorships and publishers whom are willing to listen to my great novel. P.S. Genius "Penis" in work, do not disturb.

What Panic, I still have one that's look like one

So on one fateful day, this hamsome boy visited one of his favorite hawker fare, at Hong Lim Market & Food Centre situated at 531A Upper Cross Street just in the heart of Singapore China Town.

I have always wanted to give this stall know as Ah Kow Mushroom Minced Pork Mee a try since many famous foodies have jointly voted it as one of the best bak chor mee in Year 2011 or 2012, which I cannot recalled for sure, or I personally can't be bother enough, given that I feel that review needs to be brutally honest and true, else it will be another piece of useless information, like the time the Government tell us that they will learn to listen, which they do otherwise and listen only to themselves instead.

Every Singaporeans reckon it must be good, if there is a queue... NOT

For example, inSing.com.sg voted them as one of the best Bak Chor Mee in Year 2011 or Year 2012 and stated that this famous Bak Chor Mee stallserves noodles are tossed with special black vinegar and topped with stewed shitake mushrooms, deep fried lard, fresh pork slices and dumplings." & on ieatishootipost.sg, they rated it at 4.5 out of 5 in Year 2007 and this stall was even voted as a Makansutra Legend, so naturally, being a typical Singaporean I must give in and credits to the excellent reviews by renowned foodies, so like a true Singaporean would say "Die Die also must try... RIGHT?"

There must be something that I am missing

WRONG!!!!@_#*!@)@#!@)_!*#*_E1-+$!)!_@!@e-!231@#@e!!_(&$()_

For this turn out to be one of my biggest mistake in life, when it comes to food at least and I have been trying to forget this incident since then, but on second thoughts and giving the stall the benefit of the doubt, they were probably great in their hey days like in the 70s when policemen were wearing shorts and I was still in my mother's womb, but by today standard, it is totally overrated through the roof.

To ME, the "hamsome" me, this stall has passed its time and living solely based on its reputation, and nothing else, but one thing that still puzzles me is why oh why people still bothers to queue up at this stall even today, I mean seriously, haven't these people tasted better Bak Chor Mee before which I somewhat suspect got be the case here and therefore, I FEEL their pain.

See the picture below, I must said that I was exciting like a kid in a candy store when I first got my hands on the bowl of noodles naturally since I have to queue quite a bit for it, and the presentation of the noodles look yummy enough which I was soon proven otherwise.

Before Picture

Firstly, we must have only left it for 2-3 minutes at most before we dive in for our first bite and it was ALREADY DEAD, so we try a 2nd bite to reconfirm, and I must said that no hot sexy slutty nurses/doctors in the world will be able to relieve it back to life, so naturally, our face shrink like SpongeBod SquarePants.

We tried our best to find good things to say about this dish, so we went on to try the mushroom and minced meat, but it was too late, the so called "Special BLACK Vinegar" has taken over our tongue and we tasted nothing else since then on, and they stayed on for a good few hours before our hostage tongues were released based on good behavior.

After Picture

Trust me, we tried our best to finish... but we couldn't and given that over most weekends, we would also like to have our main dishes with some sides, this was an extraordinary event given that on this fateful day, we didn't order any side dishes at all but yet couldn't finish.

Verdict Out of Five (5*):

1. Quality of Food: 1 (It could have been worst, mind you)
2. Ambiances: 3 (On of my favorite hawker fare on a Saturday Morning, so it can't be too wrong)
3. Audiences: 3 (Mostly locals but maybe soon to be taken over by FTs)
4. Price: 1 (Cost slightly more than your average Bak Chor Mee)
5. Services: 2 (Self-Services, so go figure)
6. Hygiene: 3 (Can't see inside of the stall, so what you don't see, won't kill you)

So my overall conclusion is 1*, and you can try this at your own risk which I won't be held responsible at any cost, and just maybe they are not be as bad as I described above, or perhaps the cook was just having a lousy day and didn't get any sugar from his wife the night before, but does it deserved to be a Legend, in my view... the chance are as good as me being the next Prime Minister of any country. Go Figure, Singapore !

Meh... @Bar Bar Black Sheep

Hello Earth,

This is the Time for another posting.

I know I am NOT the most discipline person who will religiously posted a blog on a weekly basis as I have initially set out to do or as much as I wished too, but you must know I live a life and a color one, at least that what's I hope to believe.

Anyhow, since my past few postings were negative or not so positive, depending on how you viewed it, like they said "Is your cup half empty or half filled", hence determining to be a positive person from here on and not be as wicked as I used to be, I have decided that this week posting shall be one of positiveness, given that as our beloved MP informed that even people who earns $1K a month in pay can afford a HDB flat now, I might want to stretched it a little further and say that cow can fly, pig can sing and ugly is now the new beautiful.

So here I was at Bar Bar Black Sheep located along Bukit Timah Road at 879 Cherry Avenue and NO, they don't have any cherry related history as I know, but perhaps the person who named the street for one, can't find a more interesting name, or two, he/she loves cherry, or three, he/she is named cherry and if it is a he, he must be GAY right, or four, he/she knows only limited words and cherry is one of those 10 words that he/she remembers from primary school, or five, she found cherry at the 7/11 there and decided that it is only place in Singapore that sells cherry, I can go on for days and have a thousand reasons why this street was named "Cherry" but think I better stop here and do a Cherry Thesis for my PhD, thereafter my friends will call me "Professor Cherry".

Note: There are 2 Bar Bar Black Sheep now, one which is in Bukit Timah and the other is Robertson Quay, DO NOT go to the one Robertson Quay for the stalls are managed by different operators and not even close in terms of quality or taste, with the only similarity being the name of the joint. 

Bar Bar Black Sheep with no Sheep, probably all the Sheep are too drunk to work

As you can see the signage, it shows a rather curious looking sheep, which I too would used to best describe this place, for you see no one "I think" has the slightest idea what the owner were trying to accomplished here, thus this place turned out to be a restaurant of sort, a hawker of sort or even a coffee shop of sort with an "ATAS " feel, that it successfully achieved and I must admitted that I kinda of like it or maybe because I am too confused a person too.

For a starter, they don't have coffee or tea served out of socks like your friendly neighbor coffee shop, however I never have to restored to ordering coffee or tea before so I can't be 100% sure too, as you see, they have a large collection of beer from all around and nobody can say "NO" to beer or am I the only one? Secondly, this joint is NOT managed by a central system like most restaurants, but by the individual stalls comprising of one drink stations, one Thai, one Indian and my favorite burger joint, but don't get me wrong, the Thai and Indian are good, just not my favorites just yet. Third, this place is NOT air-conditioned like most ATAS joint. Forth, the price are slightly higher than your downstairs hawker or coffee shop but slightly lower than your ATAS restaurants, so are they confused or just trying to fill in the gap for the high class who are cheapskate and the lower class who try to be in the higher class, I think that's what they called "Middle Class" which I will define as "A joint in a high class area with a low class concept", maybe but who can be sure what middle class definition nowadays.

See to believe

Anyway, we are here for the glorious food and the rest should be of secondary concerns, right ?

Okay, if the food is no reason enough, they do have some cute looking female servers from the drinks stations but don't expected the rest of the stalls to have the same, therefore one can related to why many expats men are there only for drinks and not for the food at all,and if you are single ladies, then maybe you go there to prey on expats men while they prey at the cute looking servers, to what I would called "Completing the food chain, SPG style".

First up, escargot nothing much to say really but to enjoy it like one should, given that the snail is just cook to a right Q nor too overly chewy or too soft like cherry but juicy enough for it not to be disgusting at all, plus it is served in a pool of good spices which in no way overpowered the original taste of the escargot, and to top it with toasted bread, oh... what a combination.

Applause if you must, it is THAT good. 

WARNING: If you a snail crawls too slow, you it will send up here

Next up, calamari and chicken stick.

They are both good, for the calamari is fresh and you can almost taste the sweetness of the sea and the chicken seems to be running just seconds ago before it got served on the plate as the meat is juicy and tender like all chicken should be, however I had better before, but it is definitely above average.

However, as you can see it is not the healthiest selection with oil rushing out of the baskets but nothing can go wrong with good beer, and if one/two beer is not sufficient, please drink more, as the more you drink, the more handsome I will become and the healthier the food will be.

By now, you should be drinking more BASTARD/BITCH/SLUT/WHORE Mr/Miss

For the Main Attraction, it got be the BURGER.

I mean, just look at it, how can anyone say anything but just sink your mouth into the juiciest and most heavenly burger you can find on this red dot. No words are good enough to describe it, so I will just SHUT up and let you enjoy the picture now and do trust me, if the picture looks good, the real thing taste so much better.

To me, this is probably the No.1 burger in Singapore at this moment till I can find a better place where cows go.

 

Come to D-addy or regret that you ever live !?!!

Verdict Out of Five (5*):

1. Quality of Food: 4.5 (Only taking into consideration of the burgers and lots of beers)
2. Ambiances: 3.5 (It is small but cosy enough)
3. Audiences: 3 (60% Expats, 39% Locals and 1% Others on most days)
4. Price: 3 (Reasonable price given the location, else PLEASE stick to your hawker $3 dollars chicken rice, you cheap son of a bitch mother)
5. Services: 3 (Self-Ordered, and will serve to your table, and that is good enough for me)
6. Hygiene: 3 (No dead animals yet)

So my overall conclusion is 3.5*, good food, good beer and good food. Since I am married, I shouldn't be speaking too much about the opposite sexes, else my missy will have me know who wears the pants at home. 

Quote: "To give is to receive, long live the burger"